I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize