I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
