so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize