Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
