Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
