; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
