just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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