we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
