I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
