Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
