dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
