Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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