guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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