I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
