between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
