scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
