pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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