I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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