he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
