I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
