Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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