Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
