is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
All the doctor said was why
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
