Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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