tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
