Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
