I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
