My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
