i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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