dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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