I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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