so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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