I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
