benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
