Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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