i just wanna soil my oats bro
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
