considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
