It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
