careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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