I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize