this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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