She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
