i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
