YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
