i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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