I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
