he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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