he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
