I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize