I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
