I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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