Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize