you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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