I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
50% drunk capacity currently
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
