He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
