Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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