I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
