i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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