if you like me you must not know who I am
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
