New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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