those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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