She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
