Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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