It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My penis needs a shock collar
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
