I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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