I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
