Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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