why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
