By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
