Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
