We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
