is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We are all done wearing pants today
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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