when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
