so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
