cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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