at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
