Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
