Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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