I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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