My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize