How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Blood and glitter go together right?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
