My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
