She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
