i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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