I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize