I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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