when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
whose parrot is this?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
